porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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