question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
