I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
