great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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