My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
