I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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