so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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