i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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