Don't you send me to vm
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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