I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
