Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
