I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize