You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
