Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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