I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
