just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
