You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I puked a lego.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize