I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
