turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
