is your mom at the bar?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
