i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
