It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
