This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
it's great music for shaving your balls
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
