I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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