Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
