Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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