i came on her dog
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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