so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
