You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
