please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
