I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
