I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize