'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Send help, water and tortillas.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
