I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
