I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
