I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
