I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
