after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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