i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
