I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
