cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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