Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
