Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
