Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
