how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
