The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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