Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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