pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
