I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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