Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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