She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
