I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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