I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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