Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
