I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
