I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
