so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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