I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
