I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize