why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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