There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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