Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
