oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
