Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
