you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
